Cast Aside the Truth/Transcript

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Transcript

Quotes

Return to "Cast Aside the Truth".

Male Singer:

Ridin' 'round town

Lookin' super rad

This dude's carved out of stone!

Rockin' sick shades and karate

Send's bad guys cryin' home

Hawkodile! Hawkodile!

He's the macho man winnin' the fight!

Hawkodile! Hawkodile!

He's the toughest bodyguard alive!

Unikitty: Wow! Hawkodile is so hard-core!

Hawkodile: Yeah, totally am.

Unikitty: [gasps] Hawkodile, are you hurt?

Hawkodile: Aw, I think everybody knows I'm too tough to get hurt.

Unikitty: That looks really bad.

Hawkodile: What are you talking about?

Puppycorn: Your arm's all crinkly.

[snap]

Hawkodile: Oh, you mean this? It happens all the time. It's not like it's broken or anything.

Dr. Fox: Your arm is definitely broken.

Unikitty: Oh you poor thing. What happened?

Dr. Fox: Did you stop a runaway train?

Richard: Or punch an asteroid?

Puppycorn: Or arm wrestle a tornado?

Hawkodile: Oh it was way more hard-core than all those things combined! I broke my arm i-in in battle! fighting a huge monster.

Unikitty: [gasps] A monster!?

Puppycorn: Man, fighting a monster is the coolest way to hurt yourself.

Unikitty: How'd you beat it Hawk? I bet it was an amazing story.

Hawkodile: Oh you got that right. It was the biggest monster I've ever fought.

There were tentacles.. covered with spikes!

It was really two- uh.. fire.. plungers!

And it had a tiny handlebar mustache.

Dr. Fox: Oh how horrid.

Hawkodile: Yeah, but that's not all.

It had a.. bad haircut!

And it burped out balloons that.. exploded if you'd touch them!

And it's teeth-

Richard: Were vampire fangs?

Hawkodile: What? No, don't be ridiculous. It's teeth were.. monster truck tires!

Unikitty: Wow! So how did you beat it? Details Details Detaaiils!

Hawkodile:

I knew I had to defend the castle and all of you, so I left it in battle.

And the smack-down I gave him, hohoho, let's just say it made my arm look like a paper-cut.

But before I fell, I saw a turned tail bulled out of town screaming, "Oh no! I'm so afraid!"

Richard: That's the most ridiculous story I've ever heard..

Hawkodile: [worried stutter]

Richard: -and very plausible knowing this place.

Dr. Fox: Oh, what a sacrifice. You're such a brave and honest hero.

Hawkodile: [nervous laugh] Yeah that's me, brave and honest. Hey can I uh- have a minute alone.

Unikitty: No problem, tough guy.

Hawkodile: [tired sigh]

Hawkodile's reflection: Bro, what are you doing?

Hawkodile: Bro, you know you can't tell them how I actually broke my arm.

Hawkodile's reflection: Why not bro?

Hawkodile: Because bro, it's the lamest way to get an injury ever.

[flashback sound]

[happy music]

Hawkodile:

[gasp] A butterfly... You're such a cute little buttery wuttery yes you are!

Who wants some buttery smooches! Huh?

Ah! Ah! No, no, no, no, no!

[smack]

[crack]

Hawkodile: Oof!

[flashback sound]

Hawkodile's reflection: You have to tell them the truth bro.

Hawkodile: No bro! We can't tell them about the butterfly! It's totally not macho. They'll never think we're tough again!

Unikitty: [from afar] C'mon, Hawkodile! We have a surprise for you!

Hawkodile: Just stick to the monster story, man. People will forget this whole thing by tomorrow.

[Hawkodile enters room]

Hawkodile: Duh!

Unikitty: Ta-da! Do you like it?

Hawkodile: You built a statue?

Unikitty: We wanted to memorialize your bravery forever.

Hawkodile: Uh, yes-yes I love it. Good-g-it's good stuff.

Puppycorn: I wanna make your story into a comic book too. Go ahead hero, show me all the awesome karate moves you did.

Hawkodile: Uh, well maybe we could take some artistic license with it?

Unikitty: Never! Imagine how betrayed would feel if they found out anything was even slightly made up!

Hawkodile:

Oh, of course. Wouldn't dream of it. Uh so I uh..

Uh first I looked it in the eye I.. uh..

I grabbed the tentacle!

Puppycorn: Wait, I don't believe you...

Hawkodile: [worried stutter]

Puppycorn: -would start a fight without a one-liner.

Hawkodile: Oh yeah, of course I did. Y-you can probably guess what I said.

Puppycorn: Hmmm.

Hawkodile: No, seriously, please guess what I said.

Puppycorn: Oh cool. Uh, "don't!" Okay, now you guess.

Hawkodile: "go into.."

Puppycorn: "my face!"

Hawkodile: "Or you'll get.."

Puppycorn: "a dinner plate.."

Hawkodile: "in.."

Puppycorn: "your face!" Of course, classic Hawk. So what moves did you use?

Hawkodile: Uh, I hit them with a, "huya!" and a couple of, "oh [stuttering]", a-and a full, "[stuttering]", and then some "[stuttering]", and a little, "[stuttering]".

Puppycorn: Aw, sick! Man, drawing's so easy.

Hawkodile: Yeah, looking good champ! Study those moves carefully and they might save you in a monster fight. [laughs]

Unikitty:

Wait, hero! We have one last surprise for you!

Ta-da! We're also turning your incredible true story into a movie!

Hawkodile: Wait, what?!

Unikitty:

That's right! No one will forget your brave sacrifice after this!

I'll be the director of course. I'm really looking forward to working with you,

[angry voice] unless you compromise my artistic integrity, in which case, I will literally lose my mind!

Hawkodile: [worried stutter]

Unikitty: [normal voice] And you will be played by..

Puppycorn:

Da-da-da! It is I, Hawkodile, a brave and honest warrior!

Just kidding. It's me, Puppycorn.

Pretty cool costume though, right?

Dr. Fox: And I'll be making props and special effects, so your epic battle looks as real as possible!

[bell rings twice]

Richard: Catering, baby.

Hawkodile: Yeah, I'm honored guys, truly. Uh... excuse me one second.

[swoosh]

Hawkodile: Phew, I just got to play it cool for one more day.

Hawkodile's reflection: Bro! You can't keep doing this you have to tell them the truth!

Hawkodile:

Never! The shame of a cutesy wutesy butterfly injury is too embarrassing!

[sniff] Just a few more fibs, and this will be over.

And besides, it's just some tiny indie movie that I'm sure no one will ever watch.

Unikitty:

A little more to the left!

I need more dramatic light over here!

Look alive people, we got a true hero on set today!

Hawkodile: Oh, wow. It's a.. bigger production that I though- Ah!

[Feebee runs into Hawkodile]

Feebee: Oh, [excited inhale] big fan. [excited inhale] [giggles]

[splat] [tentacle arm touches Hawk's shoulder]

Hawkodile: Huh?

[Dr. Fox is in monster costume]

Dr. Fox: Roar! Ha I know, the attention to the detail is scary. I recreated the monster exactly as you described.

Hawkodile: Yes, yes you did. Nailed it.

Dr. Fox:

I'm still trying to get the balloons right.

Did they explode like this?

[beep]

[balloon pops in front of Hawkodile]

Dr. Fox: Or like this?

[beep]

[balloon explodes and Hawkodile is pushed to the ground]

Hawkodile: The second one, definitely the second.

Richard: Oh, hello Hawkodile. Care for.. a butterfly cookie?

Hawkodile: Aah! No no great.

Unikitty: Quiet on the set! Let this inspirational true story begin! Cue the monster!

[roaring]

Bim-Bom: Hawkodile the movie: take one!

Unikitty: Action!

Puppycorn: Hey monster! I am the hero and my hero name is Hawkodile the hero!

[splat] [tentacle slimes Puppycorn's face]

Puppycorn: [laughs] Aha! Don't go into my face, or you'll get a dinner plate in your face!

Security guard: Classic one-liner.

Unikitty: Cue special effects!

Dino Dude: [makes exploding sounds with mouth]

Unikitty: Cue the explosions!

[roaring]

Puppycorn: Oh no, here come the balloons!

[Puppycorn blows the balloon so that it floats back to the monster]

[explosion causes Puppycorn to fly back into the air]

Dr. Fox: Ahh!

Puppycorn: Line?

Unikitty: No.

Puppycorn: No!!

[Puppycorn falls onto a trampoline and lands on a mat]

Puppycorn:

Oh no! My Arm, it is broken!

I have sacrificed so much for the safety of my friends!

What a brave and selfless bodyguard I am!

Unikitty: Hit em' with the finale!

Dr. Fox: Why no! I'm so afraid! Oh roar!

[cane pulls Dr. Fox in her monster costume off screen]

Puppycorn: Even in my broken state, I still defeated the monster... [pulls down his shades] and it's all true.

[applause]

Unikitty: Cut! Yep, that's exactly how Hawk broke his arm! That's a wrap!

Puppycorn: Wait sis, this feels wrong..

Hawkodile: Uhhh..

Puppycorn: The real hero should be the star, not me.

Hawkodile: Oh! No no no I-I-I couldn't.